why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
