In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
