If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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