Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
