the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never joke about your clitoris.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
