I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
did i just pee glitter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
