ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
