What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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