this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
