i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
