He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
