I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
