I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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