i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
