I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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