K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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