just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
