I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
