had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
