As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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