oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
