I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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