i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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