What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
