I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think i just lost a toe
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
