I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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