You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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