i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
