Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
