you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
