I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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