I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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