Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
