Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
