i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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