My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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