I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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