he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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