You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
