So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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