This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
