he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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