I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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