I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
