I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
