hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
