I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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