I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
