I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
