and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
