Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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