On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
