No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
