I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
