I wish my penis had an off switch
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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