Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
