Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize